Despite my flaws and the many I’ve seen various separations, I remained a believer in love and devotion. For every client I’ve helped through a messy divorce, I’ve had the perspective of listening to their particular narrative. I’ve heard, analyzed, and agonized together and found a few things here and there that we should all consider before saying, “I do.” And if it’s too late, even if your partner has filed for divorce, I also have some advice for you. Maintaining your ethics throughout the separation to “consciously disconnect.” Here are some of the relationship insights from a good divorce lawyer:
Communication Problem
The communication problems you have in the marriage will not magically disappear when you separate. If you have children together, post-separation counseling is often much more useful than court battles over raising your children. They have different lives now, but they have another fight and a struggle that is not pleasant. By now, at the latest, you know that you are unlikely to change anyone else.
Prenup Option
Thinking about a prenup before second marriage, may I sound suspicious? Maybe. But at least you can start a conversation that you may not have experienced in your first marriage. Is a joint savings account being considered? Does the celebration bring debt to the union? Are the acquired resources still owned separately by the spouse who acquired them? Compatibility is essential to long-term couples. Let’s face it, and money management may be a starting point. Understanding your partner’s financial objectives (or lack thereof) is a genuinely valuable part of any union.
Moral Values
One of the best connection switches I see is a simple difference in moral values. Traditional beliefs bring individuals collectively and keep priorities (e.g., home, money, and business) aligned. It feels great to be part of a “workforce” and work collectively to achieve a common goal. I have found that core values don’t fluctuate, and when my clients have felt compelled to change, they have been shocked and alone.
Acceptance Issues
Your spouse isn’t the one, and I’ve seen countless couples that are having a hard time accepting it. The relationships that seem to last (especially after this kind of harrowing ordeal) are the ones where there were genuine respect and appreciation for each other. After realizing that they might lose their partner, these couples set out on the difficult task of repairing their marriage, knowing that it would be worth it. Life without each other is not so sweet.